So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize