OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Randomize