R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
third nipple confirmed
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
