I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize