Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Four minutes until I can fart!
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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