Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
