Michael Bay diarrhea
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
