Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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