the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
