just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize