Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
operation have a gay friend backfired
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
