Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Drunk is not a location!
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
