you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
