It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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