Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
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