Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
