i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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