are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
