I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
