he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
So vagazzling was a success
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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