Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
