dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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