I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
