I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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