Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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