Too much gin, very little bucket
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
