This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize