i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
