So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
