You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize