She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
