I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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