We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
We left the knife in your bed.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
