i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
jump out the window naked night went bad
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
