we're chasing vodka with high fives
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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