can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
