I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
