between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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