Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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