Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
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