if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
