shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
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