we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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