She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
