make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
