the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
