from now on my penis is your penis
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
