Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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