Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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