its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
The beer is more important than you right now.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
