Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He? As in you personified your dick?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
