i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
