Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
