He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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