I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
