He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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