it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
