so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
