member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
