Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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