So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
