First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
