By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
