Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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