Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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