ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
