the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
