Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
