Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Someone stole a lamp last night.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
