This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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