yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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