Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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