hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
