Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
