I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
